


i wanted to get it right so badly (that i always got it wrong)

by SiderumInCaelo



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anxiety, Book 5: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Canon Compliant, Gen, Missing Scene, O.W.L.s | Ordinary Wizarding Levels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:06:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23974243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SiderumInCaelo/pseuds/SiderumInCaelo
Summary: “What happens if we fail?” Harry asked the room at large, but it was again Hermione who answered.“We discuss our options with our Head of House, I asked Professor McGonagall at the end of last term.”(HBP, Chapter 5)
Relationships: Hermione Granger & Minerva McGonagall
Comments: 14
Kudos: 66
Collections: Platonic Teacher-Student Relationships





	i wanted to get it right so badly (that i always got it wrong)

**Author's Note:**

> The title is taken from Light of Love by Florence + the Machine.

“Professor McGonagall?” 

Minerva looked up from her desk to see Hermione knocking at the open office door, a stack of books clutched in her other arm, and more in the bag slung over her shoulder. “Do you have a minute? Only I was doing some revision on Vanishing Spells when I realized that my notes weren’t very clear on certain parts of the theory,” she said rather breathlessly, “so I went to the library to do some background reading, but it just made me more confused! And Vanishing Spells are sure to turn up on the O.W.L. and –” she continued, stopping only when Minerva raised her hand.

“Miss Granger, why don’t you sit down,” she said, gesturing to the chair in front of her desk, “and tell me exactly what part of the material you don’t understand.”

“Of course, Professor,” she said sheepishly, cheeks pinking slightly as she took a seat. She put the books she was carrying on the desk and opened one to a bookmarked page.

“It’s the part about the application of Vanishing Spell theory to Conjuring Spells that’s giving me trouble,” Hermione explained. “It makes sense that the theories would be related, since the spells are sort of inverses of each other, but I don’t really see how it applies practically. And then the textbook starts talking about the relation to Gamp’s Law of Elemental Transfiguration, and I don’t understand how that applies here.”

“You realize Conjuring Spells are N.E.W.T. level material, don’t you? I’d be shocked if this turned up on your O.W.L.” Minerva said.

“But Vanishing Spells will be on it!” Hermione insisted. “Even if they don’t ask this specific question, how could I answer a more general theory question properly if I don’t understand this? And since clearly I’m missing something here, there might be other parts of Transfiguration theory that I don’t understand properly either and I just haven’t realized,” she continued, speaking very fast, and Minerva could sense the panic building.

“I’m more than happy to review as much Transfiguration theory as you’d like,” Minerva said, trying to inject some calm into the conversation, “but if you’re worried about your O.W.L. performance, I think you’d be better off having a square meal and going to bed early,” she said, eyeing Hermione’s dark circles.

“I’m fine,” Hermione said quickly, though she didn’t quite meet Minerva’s eyes while she said it. “Besides, I still have so much revising to do! I’ve barely touched Switching Spells, and of course there’s all my other subjects, too.”

“Far be it from me to discourage anyone from studying, but don’t you think you might be going a bit overboard? You’re already an excellent student who always does well on exams.” She expected Hermione to appreciate the praise, but it only seemed to agitate her further.

“I’m a good student _because_ I study so much!” Hermione wailed. “And even then, it's not always enough – I had to drop Muggle Studies and Divination, and I couldn’t deal with the boggart in third year.”

“You dropped Muggle Studies and Divination because there weren’t enough hours in the day, and neither of their curriculums turned out to interest you,” Minerva reminded her. “And a boggart can take anyone by surprise,” she added kindly.

Minerva had hoped this would encourage Hermione, but instead she kept her head down, staring fixedly at her lap.

“What was your boggart?” Minerva probed, beginning to suspect that she was missing something.

Hermione mumbled something Minerva couldn’t make out, a dull flush creeping up her cheeks.

“Pardon?” Minerva tried again.

“It was you, telling me that – that I'd failed everything!” cried Hermione, before covering her face with her hands. “I’m sorry,” she apologized between sobs.

Minerva was quite taken aback by the admission - she had long known that Hermione was a conscientious student, of course, but she hadn't realized it was driven by such a deep fear of failure. “It’s all right,” she said, aiming for a soothing tone. “Here,” she added, reaching across the table with a handkerchief. Hermione took it, proceeding to mop up her tears, and gradually her breathing calmed.

“What happens if I fail my O.W.L.s?” she asked in a very small voice.

“Miss Granger,” Minerva began, but Hermione cut her off.

“Please don’t tell me that I won’t so there’s no use worrying, because I’ll worry anyway. Just tell me what would happen.”

Minerva hesitated for a moment, before deciding that it was best to indulge Hermione’s concern, unlikely though it was. “Well, plenty of students fail a few, or even a handful, of O.W.L.s and simply proceed to the next year without those classes – as you probably know, Hogwarts only requires students to continue with a minimum of three N.E.W.T. classes. If a student doesn’t pass at least three, or fails an O.W.L. they really want to continue with, then they would discuss their options with their Head of House, which might include retaking a class or two, repeating the whole year, or leaving school and pursuing a career.”

Hermione nodded along, but didn’t look reassured, her hands twisting the handkerchief nervously.

“Hermione,” Minerva added, quieter, and Hermione looked up at the use of her given name. “I really don’t think you’ll fail any of your O.W.L.s, let alone all of them. But if you did, it wouldn’t be the end of the world.”

Hermione sniffled, and swiped at her eyes one last time with the handkerchief. “Thank you,” she said. “And sorry about all the,” she paused, gesturing vaguely with her hand, “hysterics.”

"Nonsense," Minerva said firmly. "I've seen much worse cases of exam nerves, believe me. Now, would you still like to go over the theory on Vanishing and Conjuring Spells?"

"Please," said Hermione. "I know you said it won't show up on the exam, and maybe it's silly, but I would feel better if I understood it properly."

"Then I shall endeavor to clear up your confusion - on two conditions," Minerva added, and Hermione looked at her expectantly. "One, that you promise to go to bed early tonight. And two, that if your stress gets worse, you’ll come see me or Madam Pomfrey about it."

“I promise, Professor,” Hermione said seriously.

“Good. Then, to return to Vanishing Spells…”

**Author's Note:**

> This fic probably owes a certain amount of inspiration to FloreatCastellum's piece about [Hermione panicking over her N.E.W.T.s after the war](https://floreatcastellumposts.tumblr.com/post/187800549221/ron-and-hermione-suffered-and-learned-a-lot). It's a great fic, so do check it out!


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